Home

Home: The place where one lives permanently.

The concept of home seems so easy, yet when I think about it, it is filled with uncertainty. Just like studying abroad changed my outlook on life and other ideas, it has also made me question where exactly home is to me. While the definition of home is a place where someone lives permanently, a home is more than that. You can have a home but not feel at home at the same time, while you can feel at home in a place that you do not live permanently.

The idea of home really struck me because I am currently in Japan, and when my grandma came to pick me up, she said “Welcome home.” That is the phrase she has always said to me when I return to Japan, but the truth is, Japan has never felt like home for me. I was born in Japan and spent six years of my life here, but I do not feel much connection to this country. There are aspects of me that make me stand out, showing that while I look Japanese, I am not from Japan; my beliefs and ideals are different from the Japanese, further creating a divide between myself and Japan. When it comes to the Olympics or the World Cup, I always root for the U.S. over Japan. I have never questioned it, and it has always been natural for me.

While the U.S. is home in the sense that it is where I live, that is not where my heart is. I dream of living in London, but I also dream of spending the rest of my life exploring the world, finding a home in each place I visit.

When I made a weekend trip to Lisbon, Portugal during my time studying abroad, the guy working the front desk of the hostel I stayed at asked to see my passport when I checked in and asked where I was coming from. I told him that I came from London because I was studying abroad there but lived Los Angeles, and that I was born in Japan, hence my passport. If I remember correctly, he said something along the lines of how I'm very worldly and must enjoy travelling. As I told him where I was from, I realized that a simple answer of home did not exist. I have called all three places home at one point or another, but it only emphasized my lack of a definite home and what it means to me.

One semester remains between myself and the “real world”, where I hope to find a job that I am passionate about in a place that I can call home. The idea is very hard to imagine, especially when the only certain thing for me is the uncertainty that lies ahead and where I eventually want to settle and call home. All I can hope is that I eventually will find a place that I can truly call home and feel at home.

xx,

Aya